The Lee Chaolan Story
by Brenman9K
Summary: Who's Lee Chaolan? A fighter with an aging disorder, and a man on a mission, to get his Step Father's company. He has the ups and downs in his life, but will he succeed? I dunno, just read the story and find out! It's M for language and sexual themes.
1. Immorality

December 9th 1994 marked the very first King of Iron Fist Tournament.

It was time to put my swag on. That term was invented right? WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT HASN'T! I should know! Oh right I was there at the time. Let me look it up for a sec... HA! I did a quick check it was made in the 70's! SO SCREW YOU!

I was the adoptive son of Heihachi Mishimia, apparently he marked me as his male daughter cause I never had the "balls" to get into a volcano, despite me having sex with chicks since the third grade, and it wasn't til the sixth grade when I discovered condoms. Thankfully I only have two girls pregnant during those times! I had an odd relationship with my brother Kazuya... He always gave me whirlies, and wedgies, and wet willies, and also threaten me he would throw me in a volcano. So my brother hated me. My grandfather hated me, but he loved my bro. So generally, I was hated in the family, and lets face it, I never knew my step mom! But there was one thing that my father had, and it was a huge ass business, and that business was called the Mishimia Zaibatsu. It all sorts of magnificent inventions, and it got me interested in technology! So I learned about it like a mad man, thus I graduated High School as a freshman cause I was so damn smart and became a mackdaddy millionaire, and I moved out of my crummy old place, and moved into the USA baby! When I first moved there, I was so excited moving I forgot to do a lot, like finding a place to stay. So I wondered around the city and I was about to get killed by a street gang until two nice fellows saved my life! Those two guys were Marshall Law and Paul Phoenix, and we became BFFS. So for the time being I lived them, and I learned both their styles, at least a bit from each. So... I when I finally became 18 I entered my first Kung Fu Tournament, and won 1st. I was started to see potential in my fighting... I was a god with this style! With the mix of Jeet Kune Do and Judo, NO CAN STOP ME! I won tournaments left and right, my lose streak was only from my pals, but I eventually kicked their asses! It wasn't until I was 25 when my step dad called me on the phone on November 27th 1994!

I was just chilling on my mansion in Mi-frickin-ami, watching Ecco the Dolphin do shit to my fishes! And no Ecco the Dolphin wasn't there, it was a term in the mid 90's, that was used in a few weeks... By nerds... So I was designing my latest robotic mabobber, which I need to get done. By the by, I had this "new" piece of technology in the mid 90's called "cell phones" so I talked to my ass hole of a step father on my own cellular telephonic device!

"Ye'llow..."

"Hey! Lee! I've been seeing how you were doing recently... I see that you're doing well, maybe even better than your brother!" said Heihachi

"... Really?", ME! BETTER THAN MY BROTHER! That was insane, how can this be! I think I had a tear in my eye. But I can't get too excited because I'm wearing my violet speedo, and trust me, ladies can only imagine.

"Yes really, SON. I want you to meet me at some Airport in Japan, and we'll discuss it even further, Ciao"

I hanged up my phone with excitement (crap, I should of of bought stronger speedos), and HE CALLED ME SON! (and hey, the ladies liked it, you know the...) I started packing my things (trust me it was an awkward situation when my girlfriend was making me a PB&J if you know what I mean), and I was going to JAPAN! And yeah I stilled look the same, but I got away with it because I was sexier than a two dollar bill! What? Never mind, so I went to Japan, and magically was wearing full clothing, and I saw my dad looking happy, along with a pimpin fur coat, and he gave me a bear hug. He does like bears.

"Hey Lee! I wanted you to be here, just to give you this!" said Heihachi as he given me an invitation to the King of Iron Fist tournament

"Why couldn't you mail it to me? Or better yet, send me one of those "E-Mails" and I could print an invitation." I asked

"BECAUSE I WANNA TO MESS WITH YA YOU WASTE OF AN ADOPTION AH HA HA!" laughed Heihachi

Oh you better believed I'm pissed, and I was so pissed I walked home, by foot, very fast, and I was so angry I scared sharks, and I stayed at Paul's place for no reason, and he didn't bother asking. So when it was December 9th I went in with style. I was wearing two different colored socks, I stunned... Only Kuma... The people there are weird, there were ninjas, robots, a bear, and my BROTHER! He looked fierce, he was punching a punching bag like it was... OH MY! ME! I know that, because he always at the head for me, and the gut for my father. Oh, Paul, and Law are in too, and I defeated Paul, but I never faced Law, which I thought it was a good thing, because most of my moves are from Law! But my next Opponent was a beaut, and no it was not Armor King, who doesn't want to have sex with him though, even Bryan had his moments drooling the sight of Armor King. But no, it was... ANNA WILLIAMS! I was so attracted to her I stared at her faced awkwardly, which knocked her out... STUPID! But I was at the semi finals. Which was technically the finals, but after this you fight Heihachi Mishimia. So I was nervous, I was about to face my brother who gave me Atomic bombs of Wedgies, the guy who took wet willies to the BRAIN! I was so nervous I fainted, and lost! Not only that I NEVER FINISHED THE ROBOTIC PROJECT! So my angry evil business man associate complex money man, whacked me with his money fist. So I gave him another automatic can opener.

But it was only the beginning of this oddity...

TO BE CONTINUED BABY!


	2. Tangoology

August 29th 1995, marked the second King of Iron Fist Tournament

I had the most embarrassing lost ever graced in Martial Arts. Everyone called me the fainter, hell I was only invited to the second tournament just hoping for the same thing would happen. Buuuut I got a got job at NASA now...! Making food utensils for the astronauts... IT PAYS WELL! On the weekends I get tied up to a chair and forced to work with my fear... MY BROTHER... Marshall Law and Paul do this by wearing frighteningly realistic Kazuya masks (It was easier to make masks of people back then since we were uglier), and start saying they'll eat my hair! But I wasn't afraid... So they did the worst thing ever... HAVE KAZUYA COME OVER FOR DINNER... AT MY PLACE... ALONE... What makes is worse is that HE'S COMING OVER TODAY! So, I have to get my prostit, I MEAN, fine intelligent ladies out of my place, and wait for Kazuya. When Kazuya knocked on the door, I started yelling like a barbarian, like I was about to fight a dragon! Opened the door, and start yelling in Elven.

"You... Okay Lee?" asked KAZUYA!

"On, uh, yeah... Uh come in..." said I

So I let... THE MAN... Into my place, and we were having CHICKEN for dinner. So we were at my fine dining room, and Kazuya seemed real calm... TOO CALM...

"Lee... I'm here because I have no where else to go, so two weirdos told me to go here, and second I need your help on a little something"

"Oh, and what is that?"

"I need your help to kill dad...", KILL DAD! To be quite frank I wanted to do that in the first place, "So what you to do to help is to send a rocket ship at him... If you succeed at doing this I'll let you have the Mishimia Zaibatsu... Of course this will mean you will lose your job..."

THE MISHIMIA ZAIBATSU... Screw NASA! This is something I wanted since I was a teen! So I agreed with him on the plan, and he left telling me.. Good luck... My bro never told me good luck! He always told me to literally break a leg, which is my leg! So I learned more from Paul, started beating up random Punks like its Streets of Rage. But there was something also in my mind... Anna Williams, my heart pumps with lovely fury of just thought of her. I will not awkward her out. I... WILL NOT!

So August 29th finally came to be, and began the King of Iron fist Tournament. Everyone came back to the tourney, and the new fighters are normal... Except for the boxing Kangaroo WHERE DOES DAD GET THESE GUYS! Not only that Kunimitsu is a girl! Some of you think, "NO DUH!" but in the first tournament SHE WAS A GUY! So I have to ask her, as to why she is a girl! I DIDN'T CARE HOW RUDE!

"Hey, Kunimitsu..."  
>"Hey, uh, Lee, what do you want?"<p>

"WHY ARE YOU NOW A GIRL!"

"I'm in love with Yoshimitsu, but he's straight, so I decided to have a sex change!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."

So I get call from Kazuya (and I talked with him on my cell phone), and he told me, by the time he gets in the semi finals he has to tell me to get to Nasa Pronto. Thankfully I would be fighting at Nasa in the second round, so in other words I have to lose! So I defeated one of new guys, Bruce, and get to be at Nasa. But I have to lose to... THE KANGAROO! Not only that, I FORGOT ABOUT ANNA! So I might not see her this year! So I was about to face the Kangaroo, and I have to go through another embarrassing lost... So he gave me a couple of punches, and trust me, they didn't hurt that much. So I could easily whoop his ass! But I let him win, and I found out that Roger was going to face Lei Wulong next, AND I FELT STUPID! I could lose to him, and just simply go back to NASA! At least Anna lost.

So I was back at the Mishimia office building at somewhere in Japan getting about a hundred bucks for winning at least one match, but Anna was also there! I need to have the gaul to talk to her! So I start marching like a weirdo up to her, and started talking weird...

"HI!"  
>"Hi..." said Anna<p>

"MY NAME... IS LEE... CHAO... LAN... MOWER... ON GRASS", yeah, I was saying stuff coming out of my mind, and she laughed. But I need to play it cool, "Yeah, I'm known for being quite the comedian...AHAHAHA",

"I like your play on words..."

"REALLY! I mean reallyyy...?" HEY! I was trying to sound sexy!

"Oh, yeah... So I heard your Heihachi's kid?", I was about to say HOW DO YOU KNOW! But thankfully I remembered I was more known as Heihachi, more so than Kazuya.

"I'm more of his step son."

"I know that, your last name is Chaolan"

"Oh, riiight. So Anna, I uh... I work with robotics..." The great thing about being sexy, is that you can be as nerdy as you want! I can probably talk about D&D all day and I won't be called out on it.

"Reallyyy?"

"Yeah, and I also work for NASA, making robotics there as well."  
>"You sound smart..."<br>"Oh you bet I'm smart. So, Anna what's your job?"

"I'm a spy for the Irish government, I killed over 100 men, and manager of a Chinese clothing store in Ireland. Notice my dress"

"Intresting... You sound like a busy woman... You wanna come over and play golf tommorow..." I still cringe at this part! EVEN TODAY! But she said yes! YES! I was a happy man. But apparently THE SEMI FINALS HAS ALREADY STARTED! So I had to rush back to NASA, and get ready to send that rocket. So Kazuya defeated Baek Do San, and he was about to face our dad. I already was about to send the rocket ship, that was until Neil Armstrong came in trying to convince me to stop.

"Son, I wouldn't do that if I were you..." said Neil Armstrong

"Oh, what you would you know! I had to be bully by my dad for a long time! AND I WANTA THAT A COMPANY! You're just a man that went on the moon!"

"Listen, Lee. If you send that rocket, it wouldn't just make us look bad, it would make you look bad, and would put ya in Jail for L-I-F-E LIFE! By the way, I'm not Neil Armstrong, I'm just the Janitor that looks like Neil Armstrong." 

But that was enough to convince me not to do it, and conveniently enough, Kazuya and Dad were right under me...

"Uh Kazuya... I didn't send the rocket ship..."

"YOU WHAAAAAAAT!" yelled Kazuya as he turned... PURPLE AND NAKED... Thankfully without genitals, BUT STILL!

So ranned for my life, and I passed by this silent chick named Jun, but I didn't care! I was running to get the hell out of here, and get back home!

So the next day, I was preparing the golf match for me and Anna. She was supposed to be her by 10 am, but what came here instead at 10 am, was a little boy on a bicycle wearing mail man clothing, and he was singing...

_Hey there sir I have a telegram for you! _

_From a woman that was has going into a 15 year sleep!_

_You look like you're about to weep! _

_And... _

I kicked the kid off my golf course, and I did indeed weeped. But just in the nick of time, my butler had the radio on, playing the news, and that chick Jun won the King of Iron Fist Tournament 2...

But later on her last name is going to freak me out...

TO BE CONTINUED... KEEP ROCKIN' BABY!


	3. Magical Mishaps

March 22nd 2010 marks the third King of Iron Fist Tournament... Oddly enough.

After my second my embarrassing loss, I haven't even bother going to another King of Iron fist tournament which hasn't happened until 15 years later, apparently Heihachi is sick and tired of being thrown into volcanoes, and no I'm not surprised that my dad is alive, he gets throw into volcanoes all the time, and screw the fact that I'm going to run the Mishimia Zaibatsu anytime soon, after how my brother reacts turning all purple, and nude. So he's running the show now, until my dad threw him into a volcano and I haven't heard from my bro in a while. So I continue working on robots that walk dogs, and kitchen utensils, and play cards with Law and Paul, not much was going on with my life, IN 15 YEARS. And it wasn't until 15 years later, when stuff gets interesting again.

Law decides to not join the tournament, and neither did I, so we just decide to watch it on TV. The first Match I saw was Forest Law, Marshall Law's son, fighting against Eddy Gordo. When I called Law about it, he was not a happy camper, because he was not supposed to join. Which begins, on as to why I hate Forest. Because after the tournament I have to keep paying for his medical bill. Which also ruined me and Law's friendship. Look I'm a rich guy, but why do I have to pay for some punk's mistakes. But anyway while I was watching the tournament I saw Anna! I thought she was asleep for fiftee... Oh riiight. And she doesn't look she aged as well! Which was odd... Makes me wonder if Anna was part bear or what? I kept bothering Marshall Law with phone calls, and when I called about Anna, this is how our conservation went

"LAW!"  
>"WHAT IS IT! LEE! Can't you see I'm making an evil scheme on how I'm going to ground my son!"<p>

"Isn't your son in his twenties?"

"Yeah, he's 27!"

"Isn't it a big ridiculous to ground your son then, dontcha think?"

"I... You know, THAT IS WEIRD. But anyway, what is it?"

"I JUST SAW ANNA!"

"Who's Anna...? WAIT! I remember, what about her?"

"SHE HASN'T AGED!"  
>"Neither have you."<br>"SO DOES THAT MEAN I'M PART BEAR!"

"What are you...? NO! Lee, calm down, it's probably an aging disorder."  
>"Oh, I heard about one of those..."<p>

"Now... LET ME BE AT PEACE!"

Law hanged up, and Anna lost to Nina. As usual... But after that Jin was up, and he looked like... KAZUYA MISHIMIAIAMIJFISAJF(FJFALALAAL! Sorry, about that. But he looks like he's related to my bro, and his last name... Is Kazama! It sounded so familiar! I had to ask Law about this... Because he's my only friend, but instead he left this message.

_I'm sorry, but I'm planning on killing my son legally right now, please leave a message after this tone! BEEEEEEP! _

Killing his son legally... Seriously? But Kazama! Where did I hear that last name before! I looked at a random news paper next to me, and it says Jun Kazama, former champion of King of Iron Fist Tournament was murdered! Her son Jin Kazama will be joining the long awaited third tournament.

No I wouldn't be surprised if Kazuya were to go bow shik a wow wow on Jun, but why not the last name! Oh... Right divorcement papers and some honor crap. But anyway two years later I got a notice that for some reason I wasn't allowed to be in the next King of Iron Fist Tournament, so I didn't really care, EXCEPT I FORGOT ABOUT ANNA! Though I keep coming to the conclusion back she might not have aged much! But I haven't age much! Age disorders? BEARS! YOU KNOW WHAT! I have to go to the Fourth King of Iron Fist Tournament to get the answers, so I decide to go on a quote on quote clever disguise. I was so motivated I decide to build a fighting robot, and have it entered the tournament!

But there was a problem, ANNA WASN'T HERE! So that got me bummed out, but I can't just leave, If this robot is a failure it would not look good in terms of... money stuff. Plus I can ask Nina who's Anna sister. So I was at a waiting room where it's oddly green, the new faces are getting less weird through the years blah blah, it looks like a military center. For crying out loud this is uncivil! There's a teenage girl here, you want to make her think this is Mortal Kombat! WHY INVITES A TEENAGE GIRL! I miss the old Tekken with the crappy controls, the blocky graphics, the cheap AI, the mass of clone characters, the ugly rendering, the silent cut scenes, the cheesy voice acting, okay, okay I'm getting ahead of myself! But this gets me motivated again! MOTIVATED TO GET SOME OF DAT MISHIMA ZAIBATSU! But anyway, while I was sitting my two pals Paul and Law, go up to me starting to taunt me  
>"Hey look! It's NOT Lee!" said Paul Phoenix!<p>

"I didn't know Prince was going to make a guest apPEARance" said Law

Everyone laugh, but no where near as hard as Paul and Law, where their faces were red.

"I'm not Lee! I'm Violet!" said I

"Oh come on! We all know you're Lee Chaolan you think we're that stupid!" said Paul

"Then why am I here!"

"For laughs..." said Kazuya as he stands up.

"Sit the fuck down I'm not in the mood!" sad I, as Kazuya sits down looking slightly ticked.

So I see Nina, and I did managed to sit next to her and start interrogating! Hell I even grew a fedora out of my head and I swore the room turned black and white.

"Alright missy, I want questions, and I want answers, so let's get this skidladoo over with! Where were you 17 years ago!" I rambled

"Sleeping..." Nina answered

"Don't play dumb! I wanna know more than that! I wanna know if you're related to bears, and you're age!"

"I was in a form of hibernation that made me stay in my twenties... And no I'm not from Chicago."

"BOOOO! Horrible pun!"yelled out Craig Marduk

"Yeah that was bad... But... That would mean I'm too late! I'M TOO OLD!" yelled me

"Dude, you realize we're hearing every word you say, even in the first person parts we hear you." said Jin Kazama

"Look, Lee, I doubt Anna would still be interested in you despite your age, hell you don't even look 48! Plus I'm gonna kill that bitch before you two dweebs get married anyway..."

"HEY!" yelled the ginger Korean Hworang, "Who's the robot?"

"Oh! This is Combot! An advance robot that knows all y'alls fighting styles!" answered I

"In other words Mokujin" said Jin

"AHAHAHAHA! No Jin Kazamo!"

"It's Kazama"

"What ever Kazaya"

"Kazama!"

"WHATEVER JIN KAZASHUTTHEFUCKUP!"

"You realize you're fighting you're own robot right?" pointed out... KAZUYAAAAAH!

Now at this point, I was all like !

Since now I have to fight my own robot! If I win, my robot will look like a complete waste, and/or look like I have ego problems! Plus this would be the second time I would have to let a person win, so this was gonna suck. So I had to lose, and I lost the worst way possible. Here's how the fight went, I punched Combot, and then he grabbed me spanked me, and he blew up! This signifies that I lost apparently since he gave me more hits! Not only that my robot looks like an unstable hazardous piece of equipment, and I was sued by a log named Mokujin, and he sued me nearly everything I got! So I lost nearly everything, the only thing I had was my brief case that I forgot to unpacked in the first tournament. So I had to work for... HEIHACHI MISHIMIA... and become his yes man... EXCELLENT!


End file.
